These Words from My Parent That Rescued Me during my time as a New Parent

"I believe I was simply in survival mode for twelve months."

Former reality TV star Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the challenges of fatherhood.

But the actual experience soon turned out to be "completely different" to what he pictured.

Severe health problems during the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was pushed into acting as her chief support as well as caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every nappy change… each outing. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

Following eleven months he burnt out. It was a talk with his own dad, on a park bench, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The direct phrases "You're not in a good place. You need support. In what way can I support you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and regain his footing.

His story is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. While the public is now better used to addressing the stress on moms and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the difficulties dads encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan feels his challenges are symptomatic of a wider inability to communicate among men, who still absorb negative perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and stays upright with each wave."

"It isn't a display of weakness to ask for help. I didn't do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to admit they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not justified to be asking for help" - particularly in preference to a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental state is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the opportunity to ask for a respite - taking a couple of days overseas, outside of the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he needed to make a change to focus on his and his partner's emotions in addition to the day-to-day duties of taking care of a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has changed how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will enable his son better understand the language of feelings and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen lacked stable male a father figure. Despite having an "amazing" connection with his dad, profound trauma caused his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing emotions led him to make "terrible choices" when younger to modify how he felt, finding solace in substance use as escapism from the anguish.

"You find your way to substances that aren't helpful," he explains. "They might briefly alter how you feel, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Coping as a New Father

• Share with someone - if you feel swamped, speak to a trusted person, your other half or a counsellor about your state of mind. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the activities that helped you to feel like you before becoming a parent. This might be exercising, seeing friends or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical health - a good diet, physical activity and where possible, sleep, all contribute in how your emotional health is coping.
• Meet other first-time fathers - sharing their journeys, the messy ones, and also the positive moments, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that asking for help does not mean you've failed - taking care of your own well-being is the best way you can support your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the death, having had no contact with him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead provide the stability and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the feelings in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they faced their struggles, altered how they talk, and figured out how to manage themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I expressed, sometimes I think my job is to instruct and tell you what to do, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding just as much as you are in this journey."